ANTS!!!

My new apartment is quite nice.  It's very spacious, nice open kitchen, extra bedroom, balcony, patio, shared pool, safe neighborhood, etc.  However, there is one massive problem...   ANTS!!  Holy fucking crap these ants are not fucking around.  There are MILLIONS of them!  And no matter what I do, they outsmart me.  Outsmarted by ants.

As many know, before coming to Aus I was helping my mom to clean out her house so she can retire and sell it in a couple years.  There were a few pest issues there that needed controlling, the usual suspects: mice in the basement, a bees nest buried in the ground, hornets, and carpenter ants.  I rid the house of all these using minimal toxins and was quite proud of my work.  Well, except for when I dumped a bottle of bleach on the bees nest, those fuckers kept attacking me! Being stung in the inner thigh sucks!  Anyway, with these Darwin ants, it seems the more I do to get rid of them, the more they come back.  At first I thought they were sugar ants, but according to wikipedia, sugar ants are big; these are tiny.  Then I googled ants in Darwin and found Singapore ants, which these look like.  But it says they bite and can chew through electrical wiring, even starting fires. I haven't noticed them biting yet, so maybe that's not it.  Now I have been reading about "ghost ants," which these seem to be except it says when you crush them, they smell of rancid butter.  Hmmmmm, surprisingly, I haven't smelled that yet.

What I do know is these ants are getting stronger and smarter -- while in turn, I lose my mind tracking them around the house.  I know from experience that to get rid of ants, you have to kill the colony.  If it's in the ground, you can apparently dump boiling water on them, but that's only if you can reach the colony with the water.  Obvs I can't dump boiling water into my walls.  So I put out ant-rid, it's a mix of something sweet and boric acid.  The ants bring it back to the colony, they all eat it - including the queen - and then they die (thanks to Amie for teaching me this, this is how I killed the carpenter ants at moms).  I bought 2 types and put it everywhere.  Well, as you can guess, these ants won't touch the stuff.  They literally don't go near the bait. The only thing they seem to really hate is bleach, so I am bleaching everything, all the time. (I looked up whether bleach is bad for the environment/your health, and I am seeing mixed opinions. I am thinking with a smell like that, there's no way it's good.)  Bad thing is, it's the only thing I've found that the ants don't like.  But even still, it will only keep them out of a certain cabinet for about 3 days, the smell must wear off, and then they are back. Also, I have been putting all my open pantry food into zip lock bags or tupperware.  Well, they have discovered how to get into the bags and now, in addition to the mere grossness of having bugs, they are destroying my food! Yesterday it was a ziplock of sesame seeds, today peanuts.  I am losing my mind!!!

It seems there is nothing I can do.  Everyone I have talked to, has these ants.  These ants run this town.  I can't even use the fucking dishwasher because if you have dirty glasses or plates in there, the ants go in the dishwasher.  THEY GO EVERYWHERE!!  Oh, and the other day, I found a dead gecko in the kitchen.  Idk if I am cut out for this tropical living...

Return of the Mack!

Hi everyone!  Welcome to the relaunch (lol) of my blog.  I stopped writing last year mostly because of a lack of time/brain cells/general burnout in Korea. But now I have moved again and time is all I have...A LOT OF TIME!

I hope you'll enjoy my bitching about the trials and tribulations of living in remote Australia.  I can't guarantee it will be as amusing as before because I don't have the kids or the Korean club scene providing unlimited material, but I will try my best to keep it interesting.  Feel free to tell me to STFU if I am whining too much :)
Love to all and happy holidays, Al

I am the 1% !!

Out of curiosity, and to see what I'm up against, I looked up the demographics of my new city.  Although by far the biggest city in the sparsely populated Northern Territory, Darwin is small.  The pop is about 120,000 -- which is not that much bigger than Lowell.  There are no other nearby cities, the closest "city" is Alice Springs, with a population of 25,000 and a 2 day drive away.  Are you jealous yet?

Anyway, as a job hunter, what I really wanted to find out was the unemployment rate.  It's 1%.  Seriously.  As I sit in my apartment each day applying to every job I come across, I notice no one ever walks by.  Everyone has a job here.  The parking garage is empty, the pools are unused, no one is home.  So why don't I have a job yet??

I have spoken to other people who have moved to "The Territory," and the consensus is your first job is very hard to get.  Once you have a job, you'll constantly hear of people hiring and job offers will be coming left and right.  I was told this my first week here, when I was still optimistic, and kinda thought, ya, whatever dude.  "No really, it's not about what you know here, but about who you know.  And don't put on your resume that you have a master's degree, it's going to put people off."  Uhhh, what?

But really, is this the case?  There's one university in the entire state, and it's not very big.  I had a conversation with a woman the other day who moved here from Melbourne to be with her boyfriend while he serves in the army.  She's 27, so it's not like she is just a kid, and it took her 8 months to get a job.  She wants to go to school to be a dental hygienist, but there isn't a single program in the whole state.  This is an area almost twice the size of Texas!  Am I fucked?

I applied for a job yesterday with the local government and was asked the following questions on my application:
Have you the ability to communicate orally within an office environment? yes/no
Have you the ability to communicate in writing within an office environment? yes/no
Do you complete tasks within deadlines? yes/no
Have you the ability to work effectively in a team? yes/no
Do you display willingness and motivation? yes/no

Umm, YES!  I hope!  The entire application was basically asking about my personal info (address, etc) and questions like those.  Funniest part is I probably won't even get an interview.

So my new plan is to try to "know people."  "Hi, I'm Al.  Nice to meet you.  Where do you work?"

It's beginning to feel a lot like... nothing!

Never before have I ever been so unaware of the holiday season, and I HATE it! I think it is a combination of living in the tropics and, for the first time in my life, being around absolutely no Americans.  I was skype chatting with my good friend Scott today around 7pm when I realized that before hanging up, I should wish him a Happy Thanksgiving because Thanksgiving is TOMORROW!  I didn't even think about it!  Seriously?  I forgot Thanksgiving??  I could never have previously imagined a world so strange that lil chunkaaa's favorite holiday would approach almost unnoticed, but behold, it has happened!  Turkey, gravy, stuffing, cranberry sauce, pie!!! All out of sight, out of mind!  So now I am sitting here at 11pm wondering what to do.  Do I prepare my own mini Thanksgiving feast tomorrow?  Do go on with my day and play Mario Kart as usual?  Do I even want to eat  all that savory delicious food when it's 95 and 90% humidity?  (BTW - I am not making up that humidity percentage.  If you're like me, you prolly didn't even realize 90 and 100% humidity ratings were possible, but they are.  Proof: http://www.weatherzone.com.au/nt/darwin-daly/darwin.)  So much to think about, but I am leaning towards the unthinkable and just not eating the feast this year.  Am I still thankful without the food?

For those I haven't completely filled in, I am living in Darwin, Australia -- been here almost 4 weeks.  Google map it and you will see how close it is to the equator and that this extreme heat isn't because it's summer in the southern hemisphere-- it's like this all year.  However, the weather changes slightly from wet season, "the wet" as the locals say, to dry season.  Obvs it rains all the time during the wet, which begins in November and runs til about April, so perfect timing! One super cool plus to wet season are lightening storms!  Darwin is famous for having insane lightening.  I live near the water and can watch it strike over the ocean.  It's very, very awesome.

Christmas is not quite the same, either.  Since there is no Thanksgiving or another major holiday in Nov, Australians jump right into xmas, but it is soooo low key!  At least here anyway.  Last year I was in Vietnam for the holidays, and there were decorations everywhere!  The year before I was in Korea, where even the subway is decorated.  And obviously I am used to America, where half of every department store turns into Santa's workshop.  Jason looked at me like I was crazy when I asked him where the Christmas store was in the mall.  Then he asked if I was making that up.  Seriously, I don't even think you can get your picture with Santa here.  A few people have decorated the outside of their houses and it always takes me a moment to remember 'tis actually the season, and these aren't those crazy people that leave their decorations up all year.  I have attempted to do my part by putting twinkle lights on my balcony...which is next to the pool.  I think it looks like college basement decor since it's hard to think of xmas in the pool.  Maybe a tree out there would help...might have to be a palm tree :-(

Writing by my genius kids!

Sebastian - Kindergarten
If I could go to the sky, I would eat the cloud when it is night.  I will play with the stars when it is afternoon.  I will have a blast off from the sun in the morning.  It will be so fun.

Kate - 2nd grade
Dear Ms. Alexandra Teacher,
Hi, I'm Kate.  I know you like chicken nugget.  Do you like pizza, french fries, and spagetti?
From: Kate

Yurim - 2nd grade (another child genius)
World's Greatest Teacher
I had met many teachers in my life.  A lot of teachers made me smart.  However, above all these many teachers, Alexandra Teacher was the best.
She is funny.  She teaches English in a fun way, so it isn't boring.  Many children likes it too.  I think it is a terrific idea to teach in a fun way.
She is wise too.  She is great in English.  I could call her a Einstein or the genius artist Leonardo Da Vinci!  It is very easy to take a class with a genius teacher.

Chris - 3rd grade
Dear Alaxzendra techer,
Thank you for teaching me.  You are so admirible!  You are the only teacher that teaches annoying 3rd grade that sings.  You are the best teacher I ever, ever have in my whole intire life throu 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009 and 2010!  You are so so so so so so so so so so great!!!  I can't live without you!  You could go to school everyday and get 10000000 points for monthley test and other quizes.  I will never ever forget the face of you!
Love,
Chris

Eric - 4th grade
Time goes by and I am 31 years old.  I will being a famous baseball player.  My team is Boston Red Sox, and I'm Pitcher.  I will learn how I can throw the fast ball, change up, curve.  And I think USA's baseball is very hard.  Because I always do 3rd inning.  That means, I'm only a little good pitcher.  And I will play baseball seven years old more.  Then, I will live a good apartment with my family.  And I will do a teacher. When my money is many, I will buy two computers and one little computer.  Two is I do in my house, and one is I have to use that.  And I will be happy living.

It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you

Whoops!  It's been a month since I've updated again :-/  Life has been crazy busy this summer, so I when I have some free time it is hard to juggle blogging and catching up on episodes of True Blood and J Shore (speaking of, Angelina is so annoying she makes me almost not want to watch it, almost).  Usual stuff has been happening over here, drinking soju and eating kimchee sums up a lot of nights.  Life is pretty good and time is flying by!  Hard to believe I only have 4 months left in Korea.  4 months in Korea seems short, 4 months at my job seems brutal!  Although, when thinking about it, things are infinitely better than when I started.  I actually have several really good friends at work now, which makes the long days so much easier to bear.  I guess that's a perk of one year contracts, people are always coming and going.  Hmm, what else?  Vacation in Malaysia was amazing.  I can't wait to get back to SE Asia this winter.

Anyway, on to the kids.  The elementary students are on break from their regular schools this month, so they have been so much better behaved than usual.  A lot of them are actually taking some time off, which makes me dread September when they are all coming back!  Kindergarten boys have been really into showing their penises lately since they discovered in the bathroom one day that Kenneth, who was born in America, is circumcised.   It was like the biggest news ever.  Kenneth's mom had to call the school and ask that the kids stop teasing him about it.  Interestingly enough, Kenneth was found under the table a few days later showing it to Matthew.  He is one of my favorite kids, and I HATED him at first.  He is so intelligent it's shocking, but super emotional at the same time.  He is always sputtering out things like, "Please be patient with me while I hand out the books.  You need to learn patience, wait your turn."  Keep in mind this kid is 6 and English is his second language.  He can also draw incredibly detailed maps of the world, including all major cities from Paris, to Washington DC, to Ho Chi Min.  Awesome kid.

I am going to post a bunch of their writing, but it's too much to include in an email posting.  So...actually go to the blog if you want to read some of their brilliance!  BTW - the blog address is t-your-blog.blogspot.com.

xoxo

I can see!

Ok, I had the lasek this weekend.  All I can say is MAJOR OUCHY!  OMG, they told me there would be pain, but I didn't know the pain would be like this.  Here's the play by play.  I couldn't get a day off work (obvs), so I had to just leave 2 hours early on Friday (it's recommended you take at least 3 days off, I got the weekend plus 2 extra hours, sweet).  I roll in, they do about 45 mins more of tests on me (in addition to 2 hours of tests I had previously gotten) and then they prep me for surgery.  Surgery was a little scary because you can see everything they are doing to your eye (yikes) and the laser smells like burnt hair, so of course I imagined my eyeball bursting into flames.  But I didn't feel anything and they gave me a teddy bear to hold, so I was cool.  I then went into the recovery room to lay down for a half hour.  They had previously asked me what kind of music I wanted to listen to during recovery and I chose pop, which turned out to be an interesting medley which included "In da Club" and "Ooops! I Did it Again!"  I see the doctor one more time, he says everything's great, come back tomorrow morning, you are free to leave.  Now, they said I wouldn't have any pain until the second day, so I insisted to everyone that day that I would be fine to go home alone and went this mission solo.  Not wise!  The pain started immediately.  I leave and decide to beeline it for a cab.  Only problem is the eye center is in prolly the busiest area of Seoul.  It's smack in the middle of an outdoor shopping area and I have to walk through about 8-10 mins of crowds to get to a cab area.  Here's a pic of what I'm dealing with (stolen via google images):

Smack in the top center of the photo there is a blue sign with Korean lettering.  That is the eye place.  Not crowded at all.  

Furthermore, it's Friday at 8pm, prime shopping hour.  I was about ready to jump out of my skin stumbling around trying to get a taxi.  Note, yes, I have been here many times before.  And yes, I knew the crowd sitch. And yes, I knew I would have to venture a ways to find a cab.  Should I have not been so pigheaded and asked for help, yes.  But of course, I had the "I can do this myself!" attitude.  Ughhh.  Anyway, I will spare all the details, but the pain for the next 2 1/2 days was worse than I ever could have imagined.  Like I was being stabbed in the eyes while they were on fire and a steady stream of tears poured out eyes and nose.  I thought this can't be right, but when I had my next morning follow up appointment (I brought a friend this time), the dr said my eyes had already healed 30% in 14 hours!  He said I would continue to be in pain for the next 2 days, which I was, but by Monday, I would be ok, and I am!  He also said to take Monday out of work, but we know that can't happen.  It will be another week before my vision is perfect, but I am sitting here typing for the first time in my life with no glasses!  Hooray!  I don't think I was quite prepared for what I was getting into, but I think I will be v happy when all is said and done.  I have to go in tomorrow and get the clear bandages removed from my eyeballs.

That's about all for now.   I have some funny office things to write about, but eyes are really tired from looking at computer screen.  Sorry if this post was boring -- I might have gone into too much detail :-P