new plant shelf

Even though I want to move soooo bad, I do like the actual apartment I live in.  The guys have been gone a while, and this has really become "Al's place."  It hasn't been easy to decorate because I have such a limited budget.  I was just saying to someone the other day, the problem with moving around so much is you never get the chance to accumulate stuff.  And not one of the three of us is from this area.  So it's been hard to have to buy EVERYTHING -- couches, beds, silverware, plates, BBQ, washing machine, refrigerator, shelves, desk, chairs, tables, pantry stuff like spices, oils, hangars, kitchen appliances AND ON AND ON - we literally had nothing except a couple tvs.  So I am often frustrated with my "savings" account (lol), but then I remember how much we have had to put into this place to make it feel like home.

Anyway, today as I was admiring my awesome new plant shelf I got yesterday, I remembered that technically I am not supposed to live here.  It is supposed to be for just people in defense, and it is hard to imagine that 2 army dudes would have a million plants and hanging flower baskets on their balcony.  So probs the guys will not be as happy about Al's place as I am.  We do have inspections a couple times a year to make sure the place is kept tidy and nothing is broken -- when these happen I have to hide all my stuff (ie put away the cupcake pot holders and hide my clothes).  I am guessing I will be hiding the plant shelf and baskets too :(

It's mothers day today and I obvs miss my mom.  The last month has been really hard.  I am proud of myself that I have been able to keep it together and stay busy.  But I am so lonely!!!  I just cant wait til we dont live in Darwin anymore.  Darwin is small, very very small.  It's far away from everything, you cant drive to a single other city and just get away for a weekend.  Probably the closest city is Brisbane, a 3 hour flight!  And all the flights are so expensive because they are limited in service.  I miss America, my friends, and my family. UGHH

In good news (more good news in addition to my plant shelf!), I got a message that Jason will be home for a week in 2 weeks!  YES!  It is funny and it totally figures he comes home the same weekend my work is having a huge (huge for Darwin) conference that runs Thursday-Sunday.  Obvs I am totes skipping out on the Sat and Sunday.  They really only need me on the Thurs anyway.  But yay!  I can survive 2 more weeks.  Then he will be gone another 6 weeks after that.  The thing I am most looking forward to is eating normal food!  I cant be bothered cooking for myself and food is so expensive here, I never eat anything good!  Eggs, toast, veggies.  Pretty much it.  BLAH.

I learned a new Aussie saying this week.  They had a meeting at work about people attending that conference and how if you "go long grass" half way through, you wont get paid.  I am loving this saying!  Go long grass means you take off and disappear, lol.  Classic.  

50 Shades of Grey book review - even though I have read less than half of this book

Ok, so the book is 500+ pages and I am only on page 165, but can I say ...  this book fucking sucks!  I mean, it's really really bad!  I am SHOCKED at the popularity of this trilogy.  I hate the characters, I hate the now cliched awkward girl who all guys like (even the hottest ones), I hate it takes place in the Pacific Northwest, and I hate the author -- both her writing style and her pretending to understand American culture.  I think I hate everything about this book so far.  I just dont get it-- it is not even good escapism because the terrible writing brings you back into reality -- really, he "MURMURS" AGAIN?!?!  PLEASE Anastasia STOP BITING YOUR BOTTOM LIP -- I never want to hear the word murmurs or anything about a bottom lip again!  I hate this book!

Because I feel bad for you if you set out to read this book, and even worse if you have spent money on it (like I have, 18 fucking dollars) I will just say now I have nothing positive to say (if you havent already caught on) and dont read this if you are keen to read this book.  Thousands of people love it, so maybe it's me.
Here are the problems:
I hate the main character - like I cant relate to Anastasia at all and I dont know anyone who could!  She is graduating from college and she has NEVER been drunk.  Shes never been drunk, shes never had sex (not that weird, but combined with all the other nevers, it's weird), she never exercised, shes never left the country, I am surprised this fucking girl has her driver's license!  She doesnt dress up, shes never worn heels, she is of course "too skinny" (because they are never too fat, it's always too skinny), and every guy in the book is secretly or not-so-secretly in love with her.  She is not funny, cute, or endearing... she is just plain annoying.  Really fucking annoying.  Did I mention dumb?  And what's with her "subconscious," "inner goddess," and the incredibly annoying phrase "double crap" ??????????
Then there is Christian Grey.  This person could not possibly exist in real life -- again making the characters completely un-relatable. Christian Grey is a self made billionaire at the age of 27.  Maybe the book says what type of company he owns, but I cant recall at the moment, and even more so, I dont care.  What I know of him so far is that he is 27, self made billionaire, licensed pilot (obvs), classic pianist (obvs), incredibly fit and good looking (obvs),  a sex feign, and he talks like -- uhhh, I dont even know what he talks like!  He speaks in a way no normal person would speak!  Old fashioned combined with obnoxious and asking-to-be-laughed-at, if there is a term for that.  He gives copious amounts of money to Washington State University (his alma mater????  would make even less sense), and has many ambiguous phone conversations relating to deliveries in Darfur.  Hello?  Doesnt he know Clooney has Darfur covered?  LOL
The writing is so bad it's hard to believe it was published, never mind a best seller.

Has anyone read and enjoyed this book??  Dont get me wrong, I am not above trashy literature -- everyone knows how much I love Twilight.  But I just dont see the appeal in this.  Maybe it gets better, but I am going to struggle to finish reading it.  I want to punch this book in the face (for those not in the know, or just because the joke was bad -- that was a play on how Christian always says "I will fuck your face." UGH)

tick tock on the clock

As slacker and lazi-ish as I make myself sound, I take my jobs very seriously (except Poly) and figure if I have to be here all day, might as well get shit done and put in some work!  The time goes by a lot faster when you are busy and you feel better about your day in general.  Now I wish everyone I worked with shared these feelings.  I cant make generalizations on Australia overall, but the work ethic in the Northern Territory is uncanny.  Peeps do not want to be bothered!

First off, I have never had a job where the hours are so short.  8-4:21 --- and I mean 4:21.  At 4:17 you start to see the office pack-up happening.  Peeps are not packing at 4:21 because they are already out the door.  However, they are slightly less prompt with showing up at 8.  We also get a one hour lunch, which everyone takes.  Additionally(!), as gov employees we get 6 weeks vacation a year!  6 WEEKS!  Which of course roll over if you dont use them. And if you want to save 2 weeks from last year and take 8 weeks off, no biggie!  If you want to take 3 months off, go ahead!  My boss, for example, is currently at the end of the 2nd week of his 4 week paternity leave.  The baby came a week early, so he left one day unexpectedly and never came back.  In this 2 week period, he is not checking emails and does not plan to.  I mean, he doesn't even have an 'out of office' up.  He sent a picture of the baby and said he would try to stop in next week to say hi.  In the meantime, I have only worked here for a month and have no idea what the fuck is going on.  On our 3 person team, there is just one other guy -- he started the week before me.  He has no clue either.

I am not going to lie, the situation is frustrating for me and not as fun as it sounds when you are used to working in the US.  Things take SO long to get accomplished.  And constantly reminding people to the point you feel like you are nagging them is not that rewarding.  At least in my office, you can plan for your meeting to start anywhere between 10 and 30 minutes after it was supposed to and 1-2 key people not to show up.  Today I sent out a meeting request and straight put in it "Please try your hardest to show up on time."  WTF?? Planning ahead is minimal as well.  As my coworker put it today,"In Darwin we like to plan things last minute.  And if we get unexpected surprises like key speakers decide not to come, we just deal with it." Uhhh, riiiiiite.

Somethings are great, like the 6 weeks off.  But the whole "I am not working one minute later than I have to" frame of mind sucks.  I have been told Darwin is the worst for this, so I am hoping that if I move to another part of Aus in a couple years I will come across more motivated people.  I will have to bear it for the next year and half and hope that I dont fall into the trap myself!

Doing big things

I feel hungover this morning.  Why, did you go out last night?  Lol, of course not!  I came home from the gym around 6 and I felt pretty tired, so I took a long shower and then watched some one hour show about sea otters - lol.  Then I watched Law and Order. At 9, there was an "episode" of jersey shore on.  I never get to watch trash tv anymore (I have free tv, so only like 10 channels and def not enough trash- not one Housewives is on).  I said ok, I will watch this one episode and then I will go to bed, obvs I need a glass of wine for this.  Thursday, I dropped my watch off to be repaired and that is my excuse of how I lost track of time and drank too much wine...  apparently they edit JS to be one long episode because it never stopped and was 3.5 hours long!  Ack!  About half way through I realized it seemed really long and kept waiting for it to finish but it never did!  Finally I gave up and went to bed....at midnight. Now I dont feel good.  

Speaking of all that is wrong with the world, who has seen the "real life barbie?"  I guess they have been talking about her on Good Morning America etc.  If you havent seen her, here's her photos:  http://www.torontosun.com/2012/04/27/real-life-barbie-creates-internet-sensation  Omg!  She really looks like barbie!  She freaks me out for sure... she says she achieved  her look with a raw diet and abstaining from alcohol and that she hasnt had any plastic surgery.  HA!!  Ok!  

It is a long weekend here (again!).  Since Jason has been gone, we have had a long weekend every other week!  Totally sucks!  I am not doing anything really but staying in to save money and reflecting on my electricity bill.  Actually, I am also this close to achieving my goal of seeing every Will Smith movie -- I know, I reach for the stars.  Today I have Wild Wild West, I never saw it!  Last week I watched Enemy of the State (excellent) and I am Legend (not my fav).  I have to see Hancock and the Men in Blacks and I will be done!  LOLOLOLOLOL.  This is my life!  Also, I am reading 1984 because I might be the only person on the planet who didnt have to read it in high school and obvs will be practicing my Chinese.  So a big weekend overall.  

Speaking Chinese, bitches!

That's right.  Add Chinese to the repertoire of languages I speak.  Just had my first Mandarin lesson.  So far it's hard, but fun! Today we learned hello, how are you, good morning, goodbye, counting, and vowel sounds. I really like the tones because I feel cool saying it, like a real Chinese person :-)  The pronunciation is so important in Mandarin, so you have to say each word very deliberately (I know, one lesson and I am an expert) but that's what makes it fun to say! I did feel like a real dumbass when I was the only person in the class who didnt know Pinyin is the proper name of transcribing Chinese characters into English looking words (or Latin, whatever).  One of the first things the teacher asked was "Does everyone know what Pinyin is?"  I started to say no, when I realized everyone else was saying yes, so I did the "start to shake my head and then turn it into a nod" move, like I knew exactly what was going on.  Anyway, "pinyin" is what I thought we were going to be learning since this is just an 8 week course of Chinese for beginners, but we are learning real characters too.  I am fucked on the characters.  The teacher makes it sound so easy: "There are just 8 strokes that make up characters" and they look so simple -- until you look at the all together in one character, lol.   Anyway, watch out bitches because I will own this shit soon!

Ok, so now that I talked about something I like, I need to counter that with something I hate.  Today it is birth control pills.  Many women take birth control at some time in their lives for one reason or another.  I am convinced these tiny pills will kill me.  For sure taking my daily dose of estrogen will fuck me up some how in the future.  Anyway, 2 weeks ago I had to switch to an Australian brand.  Coincidentally, 3 weeks ago I started my new diet in which I watch all foods I eat, somewhat limit my alcohol consumption (weh), and work strenuously at the gym 5 days.  The first week I lost 1 lb -- good results for the first week.  BUT in the last 2 weeks, I have gained 6 pounds!!!  Everyday I weigh more!  Not joking, one day I weighed 2 lbs more than the day before.  I thought, that's weird, it's probably just a fluctuation.  Nope, weight just keeps going up, not going down at all.  It has to be these damn pills!  And my SKIN, which is normally ok, suddenly looks like I am 15! Not to mention the sudden waves of nausea I get throughout the day.  I want to get a new prescription, but I know they are going to tell me it's too early and I need to try these for longer.  BUT, obvs I did a google search and I saw that sometimes these pills are given to teenagers who have a hard time putting weight on.  Why the fuck did they give lil chunkaaa this pill??  I dont need ANY help putting on weight!  LOL, ARGHH!

fucking fuck!

The electric bill came today.  I have been dreading this day.  You pay quarterly, which I am not a fan of.  I would rather just pay every month than have to shell out this huge chunk of cash.  In January, the bill was $550, which was obvs insane.  But at that time, I wasnt working and was home a lot of the day, lights on,a/c, etc.  Plus the guys have to do laundry basically everyday because they clean their uniforms.

This time, we were much more conscious of the air conditioners, lights etc.  Plus Lee (roommate) has been gone since mid Feb, so the A/C in his room wasnt on at all.  Also, the main unit was broken for a month, so we suffered in sweat.  Anyway, you can prolly see where I am going with this...I really thought we had lowered the bill and I almost had a fucking heart attack when I opened the it and saw $844!!!!  WHAT THE FUCK!  Obvs I  was immediately on the phone, but since the bill is not in my name, they are not "authorized to discuss" it with me.  Am I paying the electric bill for the entire building?!??!!  I dont know what to do.  Worst of all, Lee wasnt here, so all this alleged electricity was used by just 2 of us?  EVEN WORSE, Jason is not here, so guess who is forking this out!  I told the power company I need more time to pay, and they said since the bill is not in my name, they "cannot authorize that" either.  Fuck.  I did the math, it costs $9.07 a day for electricity in the Michie Ct.  I have 2 weeks to pay. The power company says, if you can just call Lee and have him call us to authorize you on the account, we can discuss the bill with you.  He is in the fucking bush!  Oh, well, if he is in the army and travels a lot, he shouldnt be the account holder... thanks for the tip.

EVEN WORSE YET, power costs are supposed to increase significantly in July when a new carbon tax is implemented.  My next bill will prolly be $1200!

DONT EVER MOVE TO AUSTRALIA!  They rapin everybody out here!

I refuse to speak Aussie!

Australians abbreviate everything... EVERYTHING.  Things you wouldnt even think of abbreviating, like the Salvation Army.  They dont have the bell ringers at Christmas here, so how often do you talk about Salvation Army that you have to abbreviate it?  But they do, "Salvos."  It even says Salvos on the sign.  Here are a few classics that are used everyday.  Seriously, I hear this shit every....single...day.  Enjoy!

"He called me in the arvo but I was on the piss."
He called me in the afternoon, but I was too drunk to answer.

"Nah, mate.  He ain't here.  He's in Brizzie this weekend."
No, he is not here.  He is in Brisbane for the weekend.

"I just stopped at the Bottle-O. "
I went to the liquor shop.

"We had a ripper time at the hen party."
We had a great time at the bachelorette party.

"I wont be home again until Chrissie."
I wont be home again until Christmas.

"I had a chook for brekky."
I had chicken for breakfast.

"I heard there was free grog here, mate."
I heard there was free booze.

"What time do you knock off?"
What time do you finish work?

"I been flat out mate."
I am really busy.

"I had Maccas for lunch."
I had McDonalds for lunch"

"Pommy bastards!"
English bastards!

"Look at those greasy wogs!"
Look at those greasy guidos!

"I'll take a schooner of XXXX."
I'll have a bottle of 4X (beer).

"My camera's gone walkabout."
I cant find my camera.