What is this, a center for ANTS??

I'm not baking for the 3rd Christmas in a row.  How depressing is that?  Some of you may remember the Christmas I went absolutely crazy with cookie boxes.  Each box contained 15 types of homemade cookies.  I was literally up all night baking at insane hours.  This year, nothing.  I did make a batch of Cooks Illustrated thick and chewy chocolate chip cookies today, my go to choc chip cookie.  I learned 2 things, 1. my oven is def off temp, I think it runs a bit hotter than it is supposed to, and 2. like everything else, baking is hard in Darwin. The humidity fucked with the dough and instead of thick and chewy, I got flat... and too crispy.   I kinda foresaw this happening, so I only baked half the batch and refrigerated the rest of the dough.  I hope this rectifies the problem when I bake the rest tomorrow.  I want to try baking a cake but I am scared.  You can't really refrigerate cake batter, but I don't think the humidity will affect it as much as the dough.  I am afraid the oven will burn the cake.  I guess it's time to get a thermometer in that piece.  Ughh, it's bad enough I am dealing with celsius, grams, and other bullshit, now this! Life is hard.

Speaking of cake, am I the last person on earth to learn about cake pops??  Omg, I did a google search on them the other day and now I am obsessed!  They are so fucking cute!  I have already been scouring Darwin looking for lollypop sticks.  Surprise, surprise, no luck.

Finally, it still feels nothing like Christmas (or the "Festive Season" as they refer to it here).  Trying to get in the mood, I was thinking of building a ginger bread house.  But just as I couldn't put popcorn garland on the tree, I can't have a cookie house sitting on my counter.  Or, as Jason put it, "The ants will be really happy to have their own little place to live."  We are leaving Sunday for about a month and I am so nervous of what will happen to the apartment.  First off, obviously I am afraid of what the ants will get into and how they will multiply.  But also, I am worried about the house.  Living in a rainy tropical climate, you have to always be cautious about things growing mold. Apparently, if we leave the place with no air conditioning or moving air for a month, we can come back and everything will be moldy -- walls, bedding, bathroom, etc.  Like you need more reasons to hate this place, lol.  So we are going to crack the windows and leave fans on low and hope everything is in tact when we get home.  I am betting ants and lizards EVERYWHERE!

Darwin - home of the $25 tacos

It's HOT.  Everyday is about 94 and 70% humidity.  What do you eat in this weather?  Obvs MEXICAN!  What do you drink?  Obvs MARGARITAS!  Well, not here.

Ok, I get it.  Australia does not border Mexico.  But neither did Korea, and they manage to produce a few decent Mexican joints.  Well, there is one Mexican restaurant in Darwin.  Imagine this scenario:

I heard of this "Prickles" (suspect name) place.  I am thinking, YES, this is exactly what I need!  Delicious Mexican food, ice cold marg, guacamole, tortillas, omfg!  So obvs I look the place up online.  No website, but great reviews and - the best part - walking distance to my house!  (my neighborhood is pretty residential, you can't walk to many places).  Anyway, you can imagine my excitement.  A couple of the reviews said you def need reservations, so I call and make a reservation for 8pm Friday night, expecting it to be the best night of my life.  We roll in, place is kinda small but every table is taken.  We order 2 margaritas - the guy asks if we want a jug, which would be 4 glasses for I think $35.  I said, ok.  I should have known better when he didn't ask if we wanted them on the rocks.  He poured the jug right out of a machine and gave it to us.  Not even salt.  It was NASTY!  Tasted like a lime icey or something gross.  Anyway, I won't go into all the details, but this place SUCKED!  AND nearly everything on the menu is $25 -- except fajitas, which I think were over $30.  Seriously?  We spent over $100 by the end of it on tacos and enchiladas.  Worst of all, people think this place is good!!!

I am still recovering from that incident.  Also noticeably absent from the Darwin restaurant scene is a bakery.  I mean, no one is selling $5 cookies here?  Finally, there is a "kebab" shop, known to us as shawarma.  But it's like $14 and last time I had it, that sucked too!  Everyone knows shawarma is best sold from a truck, anyway!

So what else can I do but take matters into my own hands??  There is a market here for delicious burritos, homemade cookies and treats, and shawarma from a truck!  I just know it!  The US is deploying 2,500 marines to Darwin.  Where are these marines going to eat?!?!  I feel it is my patriotic duty to bring good food to the area.  It is my calling.

Please cast your vote in the poll.  The results will determine my down under business venture.

What business should I open in Darwin?

GOLF + pics

I have mentioned - once or twice - that Darwin is not the most happenin of cities.  There's not much to do that doesn't involve drinking - seriously the bars seem to never close here and are always busy despite insane prices. I went to a 10am movie the other day, as I walked passed the bars, they were kinda busy.  At 10am. At least it was a Saturday.  Anyway, I am now becoming an avid golfer.  There are 2 golf courses around I know about, one looks more serious and then there is the one I have been going to.  It is funny to look back on my first day, I was so nervous they weren't going to let me play because I was just wearing regular sneakers.  Well, turns out, you don't have to wear shoes at all on this course!  Or a shirt for that matter!  I would say about half the people are shoeless, shirtless, or both! It's like redneck golf.  You're free to drink as much as you want on the course, and everyone does.  There are bottle caps everywhere and you can hear the bottles clanking around in people's carts.  There are also random people on the course that come in from the street and cut through for a short cut to where ever they're going.  

Check out that form!  And so green!

My ball is somewhere down there.  Beautiful stream!

Your average Darwin golfer!

Last Saturday, I expanded my sportsmanship with mini golf (working on my short game) and archery!  Yes, I shot bows and arrows.  The woman at the archery place basically had to stand with me the entire time coaching.  But I did hit the target. 

SKILLZ!

This was one of the more complicated holes because it has an obstacle besides torn green.  Seriously, I was like where is the windmill, waterfall, etc?!  Darwin mini golf BLOWS!

UPDATES:  Ants are still kicking ass.  They are like obsessed with this tin of baking powder they can't get into.  Time to move that into the fridge.  Yesterday, I ALMOST ran the entire 3.8 miles, but the temps were slightly cooler.  Wet season is officially here and it rains all the time.  I learned how to drive, kinda.  I am scared as shit, mostly because the car I am currently borrowing is a POS and Jason is always instructing/yelling at me while I drive.  Finally, I didn't get the job.  I spoke with the guy and he said it was mostly because I dont have a permanent work visa but he also brought up my answer to the "robust question" !!!  Apparently, he was asking if I was capable of being stern in the office, and my answer made me sound too friendly.  LOL.  

Finally, here is a pic of the tree I managed to come up with.  It was not easy to find all this shit!  Merry Christmas!

Survey Says!

OMFG I don't know why, but lately I have been constantly (ok, not constantly, but sometimes) thinking about these stupid surveys we always did in college and then emailed to everyone and then got pissed if they didn't also fill them out.  I am talking before myspace, like ancient times!  Anyway, I dug through my email and found one, which is a bummer because my email address from the early 2000's prolly has 100s.  And better ones than this!  Anyway, if anyone has one of these in their inbox, like maybe wan714, send em my way.  Yup, way too much time on my hands.

4 Things About Me

Jobs (Paying) I’ve Had:

1. Dishwasher at Nicks (wait, did that pay??)

2. Waitress at Nicks

3. Cashier at Atkins Farm

4. POLY SKOOOOOL!  

(it's sad that I could also make a long list of jobs I have had that did not pay, love my free jobs!)

Places I Have Lived:

1. Dracut, MA

2. Los Angeles, CA

3. Seoul, Korea

4. Darwin, Australia

Food I Love:

1. Pizza / Mac and Cheese (this is a tie, since it is apparently a ranking system)

2. COOKIES

3. Cupcakes, well cakes in general

4. Anything that resembles a burrito

Websites I Visit Daily:

1. gmail

2. fb

3. google

4. bunch of other random crap, mostly news and food. oh, and job sites.

Places I’d Rather Be:

1. home for christmas

2. Venice Beach

3. chillin in the charmant, minus the whole poly element of it

4. this sounds weird, but at WORK.  I need to be gettin this paper!

Movies I Love:

1. Home Alone

2. Ace Ventura

3. Showgirls

4. Rio - I just watched it the other day and I loved it, so it makes this list.

TV Shows I Watch:

1. True Blood

2. CSI Miami

3. News

4. I never watch tv, it's a sad, sad life. (PS random piece of info, Australia plays tons of 90s sitcoms, and not just Seinfeld and Friends.  I am talking like Malcolm and Eddie, Spin City, Just Shoot Me, etc ALL THE TIME.  I can only take so much!)

How robust are you?

I just had a job interview.  One of the interviewers - and a potential boss of mine - asked the question, "How robust are you?"  I was like, uhh, what do you mean?  He says you have moved around a lot, you've lived in other countries, how robust do you think you are?  All that's going through my head was robust, as is in "this cup of coffee is quite robust." Am I like coffee? Then I am thinking, is he calling me big, full-bodied?  I had no idea how to answer him!  I babbled on and on something about understanding working relationships and not taking things personally, etc, but I had no idea what he wanted me to say.   With time to think about it, I realize he was asking me if I was strong-willed (or at least I think), but seriously, wtf kind of question is that?? Yes, I am robust!  Should I have said that?  Then he says, I like to ask questions you are sometimes not prepared for so you can't give a scripted answer.  Uhh, what?  Then he wouldn't drop it, robust this and robust that.  Ughh!  

Updates

First off, an update on the ants.  Ants are still in control.  I battle them constantly, but they always come back for more.  I am no match.  I don't think they will be satisfied until they have infiltrated every item in the cupboards.  And they can get into some tupperwares now, which we knew was inevitable.  I worry about when we all leave for Christmas for 4 weeks.  The ants are going to completely take over.  I keep picturing walking through the door and there is a giant ant sitting on the couch watching tv, AHHHHH!

Christmas tree shopping in Darwin was interesting.  Have I mentioned this place blows?  When it comes to shopping of any kind, unless it's like construction equipment etc, there's not much of a selection.  Can you believe there isn't a single department store?  And I already mentioned no Christmas store, so you are forced to get your Christmas shit at one of about 3 places: Big W (ahem, think WALMART - copycatters - so you know there's quality shit there...), K-Mart (even worse), or Target (apparently not the same company as our Target, definitely shittier, but the best of the 3).  I looked everywhere for a better holiday selection than these junk shops, but was disappointed.  I even went to flower shops - which are loaded with more silk flowers than actual flowers...  Anyway, we got a 4ft tree from Big W, it's fiber optic plus we put additional lights on it.  The way the lights work here is insane, super complicated.  You need this "starter kit" and then you get extenders, so weird.  Obvs they were sold out of like everything, so we ended up with purple lights on our tree -- oh and 200 lights is about 12$.  Seriously?  Tree toppers were impossible to find (searched for 2 days), so the tree is topped with a koala I tied to the top.  And no tree skirt, apparently these things don't exist.   I think everyone and their mothers has posted a pic of their tree on FB this week, but I guarantee there are no trees quite like this one! I wanted to make a cranberry popcorn garland, but obvs couldn't because then the tree would become Ants' Village (instead of Santa's Village, get it??).  But it is beautiful nonetheless, pics to come!

Finally, today I am learning how to drive!  YIKES!  I got my Australian driver's license this week, but I haven't actually been behind the wheel yet.  I will admit, I am terrified.  Even just riding passenger, I am constantly reminding myself "left side of the road, stay on the left side of the road."  It prolly wouldn't be so hard for most people, but I am a nervous driver as it is, so this is major scary for me.  Even worse is the car I will be driving after Christmas is a -cough- Ford Fiesta (don't laugh too hard!), and it's a stick.  I don't drive stick!  So, yeah, I feel like I am 16 again :-\ 

Workin on my fitness

I started running about a year and a half ago.  I didn't want to, I was forced.  I joined the gym in Korea and the only cardio machines they had were the treadmill and the bike.  I hate the bike, so chunkaaa had no choice but to start running.  Running really sucks, but I didn't hate it too much on the treadmill.  The machines overlooked a pretty busy street in Seoul and everyone got their own tv, which had MTV Asia.  So I could kinda space out watching cars or androgynous people and forget what I was doing... plus I am convinced the treadmill helps push you along a little bit. 

When I went home in March, I couldn't afford a gym membership since I blew all my savings on my 3 month vacation.  Therefore I had to start running OUTSIDE.  Outside is even worse than the treadmill!  I know most runners prefer running outdoors, but I am not a runner, I'm Lil Chunkaaa.  Anyway, I stayed with it and most weeks ran 5 days.  I was able to run consistently for 6 miles - not that far, I know, but an accomplishment for me - and got my 5k time to under 28 mins (again I realize this is not fast).  When fall came, I actually started to enjoy my runs, especially in long sleeves and pants.  

Well, welcome to fucking Darwin.  Considering right now I am home alone all day, I def need to make an effort to concentrate on fitness.  Again, no gym membership so, again, I am running outside.  Every single run, I DIE.  At first I couldnt even run a mile.  Not one mile!  Now, after 4 weeks, I can run 2 miles without having to stop.  Same thing happens every run.  First mile, I am cruisin.  I think to myself, it's not so bad today!  Second mile starts out strong too.  Then I reach a mile and a half, wow, it's hotter than I thought.  1.6 miles, jeez, how did I not realize how hot it is?? 1.75 miles, I going to fucking die!  My routine around my neighborhood is 3.8 miles and by the time I am home, I am so dead I can't even speak.

In all seriousness, it is that bad!  I just can't seem to get used to the heat.  And everyday is the same, you don't get a break from it. The sun is super strong too, so I have to wear sunblock.  No matter how long I let it sink into my skin, it seeps out of my pores and runs into my eyes, causing yet another distraction and making me more pissed off.  Running at night doesn't work either.  It is still humid as hell and, unfortunately, I am afraid of lizards.  I will be running along and lizard friend will dart out and it scares the shit out of me!  Then I start thinking if there's lizards, are there snakes too?  Crocs??  Something else?? I better get the hell out of here!!

But the absolute worse thing I can do is run with Jason.  He laughs at my running pace, even though I am running at under 9 mins a mile (another major accomplishment for me).  I think I am flying along and he's like are you serious?  I am not allowed to take breaks and when I whine I am going to throw up, he claims it's a good thing: "You're pushing your body!"  Uh, I don't want to!  He doesn't understand that A. I am a girl, throwing up on the side of the road is not cute (not that I look cute anyway...yesterday I came home and my roommate said to me, "Are you really that red????"  Thanks for noticing, douche.  Yes, it's hot as shit!)  and B. I am not in the fucking army!  Anyway, this week was the week I was supposed to be able to run the whole 3.8 miles without walking...not happening!  Somehow, I think I got even worse this week.

ANTS!!!

My new apartment is quite nice.  It's very spacious, nice open kitchen, extra bedroom, balcony, patio, shared pool, safe neighborhood, etc.  However, there is one massive problem...   ANTS!!  Holy fucking crap these ants are not fucking around.  There are MILLIONS of them!  And no matter what I do, they outsmart me.  Outsmarted by ants.

As many know, before coming to Aus I was helping my mom to clean out her house so she can retire and sell it in a couple years.  There were a few pest issues there that needed controlling, the usual suspects: mice in the basement, a bees nest buried in the ground, hornets, and carpenter ants.  I rid the house of all these using minimal toxins and was quite proud of my work.  Well, except for when I dumped a bottle of bleach on the bees nest, those fuckers kept attacking me! Being stung in the inner thigh sucks!  Anyway, with these Darwin ants, it seems the more I do to get rid of them, the more they come back.  At first I thought they were sugar ants, but according to wikipedia, sugar ants are big; these are tiny.  Then I googled ants in Darwin and found Singapore ants, which these look like.  But it says they bite and can chew through electrical wiring, even starting fires. I haven't noticed them biting yet, so maybe that's not it.  Now I have been reading about "ghost ants," which these seem to be except it says when you crush them, they smell of rancid butter.  Hmmmmm, surprisingly, I haven't smelled that yet.

What I do know is these ants are getting stronger and smarter -- while in turn, I lose my mind tracking them around the house.  I know from experience that to get rid of ants, you have to kill the colony.  If it's in the ground, you can apparently dump boiling water on them, but that's only if you can reach the colony with the water.  Obvs I can't dump boiling water into my walls.  So I put out ant-rid, it's a mix of something sweet and boric acid.  The ants bring it back to the colony, they all eat it - including the queen - and then they die (thanks to Amie for teaching me this, this is how I killed the carpenter ants at moms).  I bought 2 types and put it everywhere.  Well, as you can guess, these ants won't touch the stuff.  They literally don't go near the bait. The only thing they seem to really hate is bleach, so I am bleaching everything, all the time. (I looked up whether bleach is bad for the environment/your health, and I am seeing mixed opinions. I am thinking with a smell like that, there's no way it's good.)  Bad thing is, it's the only thing I've found that the ants don't like.  But even still, it will only keep them out of a certain cabinet for about 3 days, the smell must wear off, and then they are back. Also, I have been putting all my open pantry food into zip lock bags or tupperware.  Well, they have discovered how to get into the bags and now, in addition to the mere grossness of having bugs, they are destroying my food! Yesterday it was a ziplock of sesame seeds, today peanuts.  I am losing my mind!!!

It seems there is nothing I can do.  Everyone I have talked to, has these ants.  These ants run this town.  I can't even use the fucking dishwasher because if you have dirty glasses or plates in there, the ants go in the dishwasher.  THEY GO EVERYWHERE!!  Oh, and the other day, I found a dead gecko in the kitchen.  Idk if I am cut out for this tropical living...

Return of the Mack!

Hi everyone!  Welcome to the relaunch (lol) of my blog.  I stopped writing last year mostly because of a lack of time/brain cells/general burnout in Korea. But now I have moved again and time is all I have...A LOT OF TIME!

I hope you'll enjoy my bitching about the trials and tribulations of living in remote Australia.  I can't guarantee it will be as amusing as before because I don't have the kids or the Korean club scene providing unlimited material, but I will try my best to keep it interesting.  Feel free to tell me to STFU if I am whining too much :)
Love to all and happy holidays, Al

I am the 1% !!

Out of curiosity, and to see what I'm up against, I looked up the demographics of my new city.  Although by far the biggest city in the sparsely populated Northern Territory, Darwin is small.  The pop is about 120,000 -- which is not that much bigger than Lowell.  There are no other nearby cities, the closest "city" is Alice Springs, with a population of 25,000 and a 2 day drive away.  Are you jealous yet?

Anyway, as a job hunter, what I really wanted to find out was the unemployment rate.  It's 1%.  Seriously.  As I sit in my apartment each day applying to every job I come across, I notice no one ever walks by.  Everyone has a job here.  The parking garage is empty, the pools are unused, no one is home.  So why don't I have a job yet??

I have spoken to other people who have moved to "The Territory," and the consensus is your first job is very hard to get.  Once you have a job, you'll constantly hear of people hiring and job offers will be coming left and right.  I was told this my first week here, when I was still optimistic, and kinda thought, ya, whatever dude.  "No really, it's not about what you know here, but about who you know.  And don't put on your resume that you have a master's degree, it's going to put people off."  Uhhh, what?

But really, is this the case?  There's one university in the entire state, and it's not very big.  I had a conversation with a woman the other day who moved here from Melbourne to be with her boyfriend while he serves in the army.  She's 27, so it's not like she is just a kid, and it took her 8 months to get a job.  She wants to go to school to be a dental hygienist, but there isn't a single program in the whole state.  This is an area almost twice the size of Texas!  Am I fucked?

I applied for a job yesterday with the local government and was asked the following questions on my application:
Have you the ability to communicate orally within an office environment? yes/no
Have you the ability to communicate in writing within an office environment? yes/no
Do you complete tasks within deadlines? yes/no
Have you the ability to work effectively in a team? yes/no
Do you display willingness and motivation? yes/no

Umm, YES!  I hope!  The entire application was basically asking about my personal info (address, etc) and questions like those.  Funniest part is I probably won't even get an interview.

So my new plan is to try to "know people."  "Hi, I'm Al.  Nice to meet you.  Where do you work?"

It's beginning to feel a lot like... nothing!

Never before have I ever been so unaware of the holiday season, and I HATE it! I think it is a combination of living in the tropics and, for the first time in my life, being around absolutely no Americans.  I was skype chatting with my good friend Scott today around 7pm when I realized that before hanging up, I should wish him a Happy Thanksgiving because Thanksgiving is TOMORROW!  I didn't even think about it!  Seriously?  I forgot Thanksgiving??  I could never have previously imagined a world so strange that lil chunkaaa's favorite holiday would approach almost unnoticed, but behold, it has happened!  Turkey, gravy, stuffing, cranberry sauce, pie!!! All out of sight, out of mind!  So now I am sitting here at 11pm wondering what to do.  Do I prepare my own mini Thanksgiving feast tomorrow?  Do go on with my day and play Mario Kart as usual?  Do I even want to eat  all that savory delicious food when it's 95 and 90% humidity?  (BTW - I am not making up that humidity percentage.  If you're like me, you prolly didn't even realize 90 and 100% humidity ratings were possible, but they are.  Proof: http://www.weatherzone.com.au/nt/darwin-daly/darwin.)  So much to think about, but I am leaning towards the unthinkable and just not eating the feast this year.  Am I still thankful without the food?

For those I haven't completely filled in, I am living in Darwin, Australia -- been here almost 4 weeks.  Google map it and you will see how close it is to the equator and that this extreme heat isn't because it's summer in the southern hemisphere-- it's like this all year.  However, the weather changes slightly from wet season, "the wet" as the locals say, to dry season.  Obvs it rains all the time during the wet, which begins in November and runs til about April, so perfect timing! One super cool plus to wet season are lightening storms!  Darwin is famous for having insane lightening.  I live near the water and can watch it strike over the ocean.  It's very, very awesome.

Christmas is not quite the same, either.  Since there is no Thanksgiving or another major holiday in Nov, Australians jump right into xmas, but it is soooo low key!  At least here anyway.  Last year I was in Vietnam for the holidays, and there were decorations everywhere!  The year before I was in Korea, where even the subway is decorated.  And obviously I am used to America, where half of every department store turns into Santa's workshop.  Jason looked at me like I was crazy when I asked him where the Christmas store was in the mall.  Then he asked if I was making that up.  Seriously, I don't even think you can get your picture with Santa here.  A few people have decorated the outside of their houses and it always takes me a moment to remember 'tis actually the season, and these aren't those crazy people that leave their decorations up all year.  I have attempted to do my part by putting twinkle lights on my balcony...which is next to the pool.  I think it looks like college basement decor since it's hard to think of xmas in the pool.  Maybe a tree out there would help...might have to be a palm tree :-(